Thursday, May 31, 2007

Photogenica- Or that which eludes me

I am not classicly photogenic. Well, I am not modernly photogenic either. Sometimes I can take a nice picture, but it just doesn’t come easy. Well, I never take a great picture when I am really trying to take a great picture because I don’t understand the whole “my best side” thing I guess. Anyway, my main problem is I have this condition that my husband and I refer to as “side chin”. Side chin is this thing that happens where when I take a photograph from almost all of the angles that exist, I get this odd, double chin-on-the-side-of-my-face, fat head thing. It ain’t pretty. I think it is because I have a very square jaw or something. But when I take a picture my husband will often say, “You aren’t going to like this, you better move around.” And I try to move into the appropriate position and then I am stressed out by the knowledge that the picture will probably be bad. I am told this makes the picture bad by some “very helpful” people. Those people are probably photogenic.

So really what this blog is about is that it seems like every time I take a great picture, the person in the picture with me either closes their eyes, looks away, or sprouts devil horns and begins frothing at the mouth. The few times I actually take a picture I would display with pride, I can’t because the person with me looks like an idiot and then it would be clear that my only motive in displaying such a picture would be to showcase my own beauty, while mocking the misfortune of my friends and family.

Example:
Or, there is the picture where I look good, but I took a picture with some people that I don’t really know at all, I was just with a this party so we were all friends for five minutes. Can’t display that either because I don’t want to display photos of my five minute friends.

Example:
Now these folks are very nice and in fact the older gentlemen in the picture is apparently famous for being in a horror film franchise called Phantasm. But I don’t watch scary movies, because they are SCARY. And the lady was really nice too, but I will probably never see her again. Pooh.

And then, there are the pictures that my mother in law takes. I love my mother in law. She is actually one of the nicest people I have ever met. But everytime she takes a picture, I have to tell her that she may take the picture, but she may not frame the picture and display it in her home. Because she likes to take pictures of me with no make up on and my hair not done and blow them up to 8X10 and frame them in some really nice frame and put them up on the bookcase in the living room. I guess this is sort of the opposite of the other problems because someone else thinks I look great when I think I look like the aforementioned horned frothy mouthed guy.

I only mention this because I really liked the first two pictures of me. And also because by writing this blog, I get to display them anyway without any of the stigma attached to doing so. Because what happens in blog, stays in blog. Or something equally stupid and vaguely punny (perhaps pun-ish).

I win!

3 comments:

renee said...

I do not know what you are talking about, because I have never seen a bad picture of you. Seriously. I'm not just being kind. There is only, like 2% of the population that likes the way they look in pictures (Im talking about models and actresses with access to all manner of make-up tricks, lighting tricks, posing tricks and air brushing priveleges), and maybe 1% that don't care either way, and the rest of us think we look like crap. It's silly. You're gorgeous.

lonestarcasie said...

Thank you muchas for the kindness. I do not mean to be twerpy. I just hate it when a cute picture is ruined by my otherwise ridiculously photogenic and adorable husband closing his eyes. Can't he share his glory with me?

Chaos and Grace said...

Even your side chin is beautiful, sister! I love you!
Kiss your baby on her pacifireless lips for me!